We are all suffering right now, and none of us know how the future will unfold.
As a mammal in a time of great uncertainty, swimming in a 24/7 news cycle, I am tempted to focus on my worries and fears. There’s a part of me that’s convinced that, if I can just read enough articles from enough legitimate sources, I’ll be better prepared, better able to take care of my family, friends and those in need. For a few days, I identified with that part and became addicted to the news before realizing, thankfully, that this was a form of “unmindful consumption” and made things worse: I felt more isolated and drawn toward a “fortress mentality” that ran counter to my core.
What did help? At the risk of sounding trite: the practice. Specifically, the practice of taking care of my feelings. In Peace is Every Step, Thich Nhat Hanh gives us a recipe for how to do this:
“The first step in dealing with feelings is to recognize each feeling as it arises… In the case of fear, for example, you bring out your mindfulness, look at your fear, and recognize it as fear. You know that fear springs from yourself and that mindfulness also springs from yourself. They are both in you, not fighting, but one taking care of the other.
The second step is to become one with the feeling. It is best not to say, “Go away, Fear. I don’t like you. You are not me.” It is much more effective to say, “Hello, Fear. How are you today?” Then you can invite the two aspects of yourself, mindfulness and fear, to shake hands as friends and become one. Doing this may seem frightening, but because you know that you are more than just your fear, you need not be afraid. As long as mindfulness is there, it can chaperone your fear. The fundamental practice is to nourish your mindfulness with conscious breathing, to keep it there, alive and strong. Although your mindfulness may not be very powerful in the beginning, if you nourish it, it will become stronger. As long as mindfulness is present, you will not drown in your fear. In fact, you begin transforming it the very moment you give birth to awareness in yourself.
The third step is to ... take good care of your feeling… just like a mother tenderly holding her crying baby. The mother is your mindfulness, born from the depth of your consciousness, and it will tend the feeling... A mother holding her baby is one with her baby. So, don’t avoid your feeling. Don’t say, “You are not important. You are only a feeling.” Come and be one with it. You can say, “Breathing out, I (am with) my fear.”
The fourth step is to release the feeling, to let it go. Because of your calm, you feel at ease, even in the midst of fear, and you know that your fear will not grow into something that will overwhelm you. When you know that you are capable of taking care of your fear, it is already reduced to the minimum, becoming softer and not so unpleasant. Now you can smile at it and let it go, but please do not stop yet. Calming and releasing are just medicines for the symptoms. You now have an opportunity to go deeper and work on transforming the source of your fear.
The fifth step is to look deeply. You look deeply into your baby – your feeling of fear – to see what is wrong, even after the baby has stopped crying, after the fear is gone… By looking, you will see what will help you begin to transform the feeling… Looking into your baby, you see the elements that are causing him to cry, and when you see them, you will know what to do and what not to do to transform the feeling and be free…
After recognizing the feeling, becoming one with it, we can look deeply into its causes, which are often based on inaccurate perceptions. As soon as we understand the causes and nature of our feelings, they begin to transform themselves.
On Monday night, we will meet online via Zoom and enjoy some deep relaxation and mindful movement before exploring this topic. In the coming days, I invite you to notice:
To what extent are you aware of your feelings - and your responses to your feelings?
What practices have helped you to be with your feelings?
When you’ve been able to look deeply at your feelings, what happened?
I hope you will join us.