This week Annie will facilitate. We will read the Five Mindfulness Trainings from Thich Nhat Hanh, and we will focus on the 3rd training.
The third mindfulness training is about sexual misconduct (see below). This training often gets glossed over because many of us mindfulness and Buddhist practitioners feel that we are not likely to commit any kind of sexual misconduct, so we don't need to practice this training as seriously as the others.
I used to feel that way, but today I have a different view.
Even if we ourselves have never participated in acts of sexual assault, we may be unconsciously participating in a culture of rape and mysogeny which pervades much of the U.S. and other cultures. And the only way to be part of healing is to speak openly about what we see and experience.
How do we respond when we hear jokes about women being subjugated or raped? Do we laugh at or sing along with lyrics implying that women need to be controlled or raped? Do we stand up to attacks on women in the comment section of their writing? Do we wonder silently what a woman did to get herself in a position to be raped ("We would never do that."). More examples of our rape culture here.
I don't think it's possible to separate culture from what actually happens. Artist Robin Thicke's lyrics, "I know you want it" and "no doesn't always mean no", may be simply lyrics, but it's of note that he has been accused of domestic abuse by his ex-wife. It's estimated that some 10 Million people experience domestic violence each year and nearly 1 in 3 women, and 1 in 6 men in the U.S. have experienced sexual violence at some time in their lives. We are part of the culture which allows this, even if we aren't always aware of our role.
Even many Buddhist organizations have had what they call "sexual misconduct scandals" - but which also could be called rape. In one Tibetan community in the UK, the rinpoche was accused of rape, sexual assault, beatings, and psychological abuse. There are many more examples.
Roshi Joan Halifax, founding abbot of Upaya Zen Center, writes in an open letter on this subject:
The sexual abuse of women is no small matter globally. It takes profound commitment to deal with this issue. Humbly, I feel that we as Buddhists need to clean up the scene in our own backyard, and clean it up now. We all share this karma, and we must share the correction process as well. Compassion tells us that, and we have to not only listen but as well to act.
So how can we stop contributing to a culture of rape that eventually leads to sexual assaults on women in every class, race, and ethnic groups (though Black, Brown, Indigenous, and women in poverty experience more violence and sterotypes of non-white women make prosecuting that violence more difficult).
In this training, we are asked to cultivate responsibility and learn ways to protect the safety and integrity of all people and to protect children from sexual abuse. And, we are encouraged to do this work using our loving kindness, compassion, joy and inclusiveness.
After our meditation period this week, we will read the Five Mindfulness Trainings and then have time to share about this training and how we can do more to protect ourselves and others from rape and other forms of sexual violence. Some questions to consider:
Have I been the victim of sexual assault or misconduct?
What actions have I taken or not taken that might affect the way that a woman, child, or man was treated?
How can I use my practice to shift any underlying cultural bias IN ME that may allow me to turn away from or not see when men (or women) become dominant, controlling, or violent - either in their bodies or words?
I look forward to seeing you Monday.
with love,
annie.
True Love
Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivating responsibility and learning ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. Knowing that sexual desire is not love, and that sexual activity motivated by craving always harms myself as well as others, I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without true love and a deep, long-term commitment made known to my family and friends. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct. Seeing that body and mind are one, I am committed to learning appropriate ways to take care of my sexual energy and cultivating loving kindness, compassion, joy and inclusiveness – which are the four basic elements of true love – for my greater happiness and the greater happiness of others. Practicing true love, we know that we will continue beautifully into the future.
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