Last week we shared the 5 Mindfulness Trainings together with a focus on the 1st Training, Reverence for Life. Adriana and Annie shared with us the atrocities of violence and killings of Black, Brown, and Indigenous people, and that many in this country do not acknowledge or value all beings. They went on to share that if we truly practiced Reverence for Life, we could begin to "remove the borders in our hearts and give the same value to all lives." I thank them for these reminders of awakening to the suffering of all beings and to come back to the true practice of mindfulness, respect, and understanding for all lives.
This mindfulness training and the sharing last week brought up energy in me that has been percolating for a long time. The feelings of anger, hatred, injustice, remorse, guilt, and sadness all showed up in my body and consciousness and I wanted to react by action but with the energy of blame, vengefulness, and recrimination. Not the energies I really want to cultivate.
For some years I have taken workshops on healing my internalized whiteness, racial awareness, healing racial injustices, and others. I have been educating myself in these areas by reading books, listening to podcasts, watching documentaries, and working with homeless and other vulnerable populations. And yet I feel it is not enough and that I need to do more. I often feel guilt as a white, middle class, financially stable American woman. So I go to the place of feeling the need and the responsibility to do more to heal suffering, end poverty, oppression and racial injustices. And I have a very hard time holding all of this.
A good friend of mine reminded me that if I wanted to "help heal my community and sangha and the world, I need to take care myself and nourish myself with compassion first." As Thay says "we have to come back and look first inside ourselves" to transform. Only then are we able to "fully find peace, love and understanding."
One of my favorite gathas of Thay's is "I have arrived I am home." He suggests we stop running and look deeply in order to transform and gain insight. Thay suggests that the practice of "breathing in" is an expression of awareness and that "we have the capacity to release all tension and allow our bodies and feelings to relax." If I can remind myself to go back to this practice of coming home to myself in the here and now, I might find the ease and space to heal myself which would in turn open up more space to really help those around me.
Thay's Gatha - "I have arrived I am home, in the here and in the now, I am solid I am free, in the ultimate I dwell," is what inspired me for this sharing. We will sing this on Monday night.
I invite you to listen to this short video of Thay's on the practice of coming home and stopping. We will also view it at sangha. And I invite you to think about how you can home home to yourself to stop and heal.
I look forward to seeing and hearing all of you!!
In love and light,
Camille