Cherishment as an act of healing:  How do you practice with the Third Mindfulness Training, True Love?

Monday, December 26, we will meet online.

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This Monday December 26, Marie will facilitate. 

Dear Thay, dear friends,

Following our tradition for the last Monday of the month, we will recite the Five Mindfulness Trainings, which were created by Thich Nhat Hanh to help us cultivate and deepen our mindfulness practice.   We will concentrate on the Third Mindfulness Training, True Love (please see the text below) and explore the practice of “Cherishment as an act of healing”, which comes from the ARISE Sangha’s (Awakening through Race, Intersectionality, and Social Equity) Contemplations on the Five Mindfulness Trainings.

In their contemplation on the Third Mindfulness Training, the ARISE Sangha writes “...I cherish myself and my suffering without discrimination. I cherish this body and mind as an act of healing for myself and for others. I cherish this breath. I cherish this moment. I cherish the liberation of all beings guided by the wisdom and solidity of the Sangha. This is my path of true love.”

Last month, my elderly mother came to visit, fell gravely ill and spent the last four weeks in hospital. What strikes me, as I reflect on this time and on this moment in time, is the impact of cherishing and being cherished.  

When I helicopter up and compare this experience to that of thirty years ago, when my father had a dreadful car accident, the difference is extreme. Back then, I spent months pouring my energy into my father, somehow believing that if I gave him me, he would become his old self. While I cherished him, I did not cherish myself - to the contrary - and I did not allow others to cherish me. Not at all.

This time, I cherished my mother whilst accepting that she was where she was. I cherished myself and my suffering and created space for both by “turtling” (pulling into my turtle shell) as needed. I accepted myself where I was - retreating from the world to do the needful for my Mum and for myself - but this time, I leaned into the support that felt right. Being cherished was an “...act of healing for myself and for others”.   The giving and receiving of true love has strengthened my relationships and helped me to drop into a new way of interbeing - one that strengthens my feeling of and confidence in interbeing.  What a gift!

On Monday, after reciting the Five Mindfulness Trainings, we’ll have time to share our experiences with cherishing and/or being cherished.   Here are some questions you might consider:   

  • To what extent do you cherish yourself and your suffering?  

  • What helps and what hinders this?

  • When does cherishing (either giving or receiving) feel like an act of healing for yourself and others?

  • How has the practice affected your experience of true love?

With love and a bow,

Marie

Third Mindfulness Training: True Love

Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am committed to cultivating responsibility and learning ways to protect the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and society. Knowing that sexual desire is not love, and that sexual activity motivated by craving always harms myself as well as others, I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without mutual consent, true love, and a deep, long-term commitment. I resolve to find spiritual support for the integrity of my relationship from family members, friends, and sangha with whom there is support and trust. I will do everything in my power to protect children from sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being broken by sexual misconduct. Seeing that body and mind are interrelated, I am committed to learn appropriate ways to take care of my sexual energy and to cultivate the four basic elements of true love – loving kindness, compassion, joy, and inclusiveness – for the greater happiness of myself and others. Recognizing the diversity of human experience, I am committed not to discriminate against any form of gender identity or sexual orientation. Practicing true love, we know that we will continue beautifully into the future.

ARISE Contemplation of The Third Mindfulness Training: Cherishment as True Love

Aware of the suffering caused by discrimination and oppression, I vow to understand its roots. I will acknowledge and practice to transform seeds of discrimination in myself as well as in my Sangha and the society at large. I vow to recognize the ways in which I have benefitted or not benefitted explicitly or implicitly from systems and structures that foster discrimination and injustice. I am aware of the legacy of violence, especially unlawful police violence, perpetrated against Black people, Indigenous people, people of Color, differently abled people, people of various gender identities and expressions and sexual orientation, and others who are marginalized. I acknowledge the lived experience of all people to deepen my capacity for understanding and for greater compassionate action. 

I am aware that narrowly constructed, prevalent interpretations of intimate relationships constrain how we cherish each other in our expression of love, leaving many further isolated and alienated. I am committed to looking tenderly at my suffering, knowing that I am not separate from others and that the seeds of suffering contain the seeds of joy. I am not afraid of bold love that fosters justice and belonging and tender love that seeks peace and connection. I cherish myself and my suffering without discrimination. I cherish this body and mind as an act of healing for myself and for others. I cherish this breath. I cherish this moment. I cherish the liberation of all beings guided by the wisdom and solidity of the Sangha. This is my path of true love.