Comforting words in uncomfortable situations

This Monday January 30, we will meet in person.

See calendar for online and in person schedule here.

Address for the OHMC meditation space:

3812 Northampton St. NW

Washington DC 20015


Dear Friends,

Susie & Mary will co-facilitate Monday evening sangha.  We will meet in person at our meditation space at 3812 Northampton St NW DC 20015.

After periods of silent sitting and walking meditation, we will share a short teaching video by Thich Nhat Hanh/Thay on the Fourth Mindfulness Training ‘Loving Speech and Deep Listening’ followed by recitation of the Five Mindfulness Trainings with a focus on the 4th Mindfulness Training (MT): Loving Speech & Deep Listening. 

I (Mary) am particularly drawn to this training as it seems to be the most challenging for me on a day-to-day, minute-to-minute basis. When attempting to be mindful of what I say, I realize I have to first be mindful of what I am thinking– all the stories that run in my mind. And this takes a lot more discipline and slowing down than my habit energies may allow. It’s hard enough when there is only one other person in the conversation. In conventional group discussions, pausing to reflect before speaking or deciding not to speak are additional steps that can help me slow down the rhythm. In my experience, I know that words can slip out so quickly that they may be poorly chosen. Then I can spend an outsized amount of effort trying to explain what I really meant/wanted to say. As a daily practice, I train “to speak truthfully using words that inspire confidence, joy, and hope”. Not always successful, yet it remains my aspiration.

The 5 Mindfulness Trainings are the Plum Village version of the traditional five precepts of Buddhism, translated as concrete ways to practice mindfulness with an aim to bring more joy and less suffering to our lives and to the world. They are aspirations to help us make life run more smoothly. Structured to reflect the Four Noble Truths, Thich Nhat Hanh's translation of the precepts is nonsectarian, and their nature is universal. The Five Mindfulness Trainings are true practices of compassion and understanding. All spiritual traditions have their equivalent to the Five Mindfulness Trainings.

Here are the words of the Fourth Mindfulness Training, Loving Speech and Deep Listening:

Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivating loving speech and compassionate listening in order to relieve suffering and to promote reconciliation and peace in myself and among other people, ethnic and religious groups, and nations. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to speaking truthfully using words that inspire confidence, joy, and hope. When anger is manifesting in me, I am determined not to speak. I will practice mindful breathing and walking in order to recognize and to look deeply into my anger. I know that the roots of anger can be found in my wrong perceptions and lack of understanding of the suffering in myself and in the other person. I will speak and listen in a way that can help myself and the other person to transform suffering and see the way out of difficult situations. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to utter words that can cause division or discord. I will practice Right Diligence to nourish my capacity for understanding, love, joy, and inclusiveness, and gradually transform anger, violence, and fear that lie deep in my consciousness.         

Susie will share about language and listening around the experience of death.

 You may choose to reflect on a few questions:

  1. What words have been most comforting when you’ve been faced with the death of a loved one?

  2. How can we prepare ourselves to show up to be with those who are grieving?

  3. How can we reframe our speech around uncomfortable situations?

Loving Speech & Deep Listening | Thich Nhat Hanh (short teaching video)