Monday, March 6, we will meet online.
Need Zoom tech support? Email Phyllis here.
(support available before sangha starts)
On Monday March 6, Camille will facilitate. We will meet online.
Fear can arise from worry, sadness of losing loved ones, fear that can arise when we hold on to the past and fear of what could happen in the future, fear of not being good enough or not being accepted and feeling excluded, fear of ill health and staying safe, and fear of conflict.
I have experienced all of these and more. At times I hold on to these fears unskillfully and then the feelings consume my whole being causing me to lose myself in body and mind. I can lose the ability to find ease or peace. My fears can unintentionally have a ripple effect on those I love, causing them harm.
I sometimes think I can hide the feelings from others or hold on to them without working through them and act as if everything is ok. This is a skill I am not proud of. Sometimes even when I experience joy I’m afraid and worried that it will not last. Thich Nhat Hanh (Thay) says, “even when we are most joyful, there is fear behind our joy. We fear that this moment will end, that we won’t get what we need, that we will lose what we love, or that we will not be safe.”
I recently received the news that two of my friends are suffering from cancer, my daughter has had Covid symptoms on and off for about six weeks, other friends are suffering from long Covid, my parents are elderly and struggling, my husband still suffers from his accident, and I’m feeling judged, not good enough, and often conflicted. That is a lot. So fear is on my mind a lot these days.
I recently shared a meditation on fear with a small group I lead every week. We had a lively discussion that centered on how some of us have past fears that periodically show up and then our inclination is to just push the feelings away. We agreed that these feelings still haunt us. Others shared that although they wanted to push their feelings down, when they could acknowledge the feelings and bring awareness to them, they could return to enjoy the present moment.
I aspire to practice this way to stay in the present moment. With the help of this group, my sangha, my family, and others, I find it is a more useful, safe, and healing place to be. Similarly, the mindfulness practices – sitting meditation, mindful movements, and mindful breathing also bring us back to the here and now.
I am currently reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s book Fear, Essential Wisdom For Getting Through The Storm. I feel very blessed to receive so much wisdom from this book - and of course from other of Thay’s books as well. In this book he writes about how meditation and breathing can generate the energy of mindfulness and concentration. If we can take the time to be mindful and aware in all we do without running after or worrying about an idea or a person or a thing - then our fear may disappear. Thay says “having no fear you can be peaceful. With peace in your body and mind, you aren’t beset by worries. You are free.”
When I dwell in my fears and worries my body becomes tense and agitated and I can’t usually concentrate or relax. Going back to my breath is my safe haven in myself - it helps me find calm, clearness, and clarity so I can find the next steps I need to take. In Fear, Thay talks about the Buddha’s words to his disciples before he died, writing, “Don't take refuge in anything outside of you. In every one of us there is a very safe island we can go to. Every time you go home to that island with mindful breathing, you create a space of relaxation, concentration, and insight. If you dwell on that island in yourself with your mindful breathing, you are safe. That is a place where you can take refuge whenever you feel fearful, uncertain, or confused.”
It is certain that I will continue to feel fear, have worries, feel conflicted, and at the same time I will also continue to share and find healing and joy in all the practices of mindfulness, concentration and insight. In those many practices that include sitting, walking, breathing, and “the Long Shower” etc., I can “find refuge in the safe island within myself.”
Thank you to my sangha, friends, family and the Universe for allowing me to share my thoughts and ideas, and through all of you my spiritual practice continues to grow and my life is inspired by your support which as always brings me more joy and happiness, less fear, and back to my true home.
I would like to end with this beautiful gatha by Thay that often encourages me as he says “smile with my fear”:
Waking up this morning, I smile.
Twenty-four brand new hours are before me.
I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.
Here are some questions to consider for our Dharma sharing on Monday night:
How do you experience fear?
What practices help you with strong emotions like fear?
How have you been able to nourish yourself when emotions seem overwhelming?
I look forward to sharing with you on Monday night.
In love and light,
Camille