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Dear Friends,
This week Annie will facilitate. She writes:
Sometimes I wonder if I am addicted to my comfort. I know I generally have plenty of comfort in my life - compared to many others on this planet and even compared to my younger self. I see myself using my comfort to sidestep dukkha (discomfort or dissatisfaction) because it seems like I'll be happier if I keep myself comfortable. But that's not exactly what the practice teaches us.
The first teaching that the Buddha gave after his enlightenment, the first of the Four Noble Truths, says that dukkha is simply part of life. Stuff happens that we don't like, even when our lives appear to be relatively comfortable from the outside.
How do we handle those moments of challenge? Are we able to stay present for them or do we distract ourselves with our comforts. And, does it even matter?
In this article on distraction, we learn about an American man studying to be a monk in Japan in the 1960's. He is required to bathe in freezing ice water three times a day. The water and the air is so cold that it literally freezes as it touches the ground and he finds himself trying to "dry off" with a frozen towel.
He hates this. But what he discovers through this daily practice is that when his mind is running away from the feeling of the water, thinking "I hate this... brrrr" etc., he suffers quite a bit. But, when his mind moves closer and feels the sensation of the freezing water on his skin, he suffers less.
What this teaches us is that staying in a moment of difficulty, being with it fully, reduces the amount of suffering we experience. As someone once said, suffering = pain x resistance.
We have plenty of ways to distract ourselves from our difficulties these days. Besides our computers and phones, many of us turn to Netflix, HBO, Hulu, cable TV, and more. Some of us may use money to smooth over discomforts when they arise. It seems like we can avoid suffering if we immerse ourselves in comfort.
I love this story shared by Pema Chodron in her book Comfortable with Uncertainty:
“There was once a lady who was arrogant and proud. Determined to attain enlightenment, she asked all the authorities how to go about it. She was told, "Well, if you climb to the top of this very high mountain, you'll find a cave there. Sitting inside that cave is a wise old woman. She will tell you." Having endured great hardships, the lady finally found this cave. Sure enough, sitting there was a gentle spiritual-looking old woman in white clothing, who smiled beatifically. Overcome with awe and respect, the lady prostrated at the feet of this woman and said, "I want to attain enlightenment. Show me how." This wise woman looked at her and asked sweetly, "Are you sure you want to attain enlightenment?" And the woman said, "Of course I'm sure." Whereupon the smiling woman turned into a demon, stood up brandishing a great big stick, and started chasing her, saying, "Now! Now! Now!" For the rest of her life, that lady could never get away from the demon who was always saying, Now! Now--that's the key. Mindfulness trains us to be awake and alive, fully curious, about now.”
Being present isn't always comfortable, but when we choose to be present, we inch closer to full awakening and true freedom.
One of my personal challenges this year has been facing up to the harm I caused one of my children when they were growing up, and the pain they still feel as a result of my actions. Getting closer to this has meant I've had to feel the grief of my younger self's ignorance and the harm that caused someone I love so so much. Feeling the grief, like feeling the freezing water, isn't a mental concept, it's a felt sense--a painful one. It's not comfortable, but it does contribute to healing and greater freedom.
So, yes, it makes sense that we want to run away from these painful feelings. And our practice - the one the Buddha taught more than 2500 years ago, and Thich Nhat Hanh reformulated over the last 80 years - reminds us that staying present and embracing our painful feelings with mindfulness is how we can wake up and thrive. Staying attached to our comfort doesn't help us wake up.
That said, there are plenty of times when I don't have the energy to face the freezing water or the personal dukkha and so I check my phone or watch an episode of White Lotus. Making the choice to check out isn't bad, it just prolongs our suffering. And, we have the right to make that choice anytime we like.
Ruth King says it this way: "...Having the tools of mindfulness to, over time, begin to examine and recognize that these visits of agitation and inflammation and disturbance—they're not personal, they're not permanent, and they're not perfect. We can actually see that they come, they go, there's other things that are happening."
Sylvia Boorstein says “When we see clearly, we behave impeccably, out of love, on behalf of all beings.”
This week, after our meditation period, we will have time to consider our experiences of staying in the moment with our own challenging experiences and share what we have discovered when we do that.
I look forward to hearing from you.
with love,
annie.