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Camille will facilitate Monday Feb 6.
During the past couple weeks since Thich Nhat Hanh's passing I have heard so many loving stories and tributes to Thay, I have enjoyed chanting with the monastics, listening attentively to Thay's poems, and following closely to the beautiful ceremonies leading to Thay's funeral. I have smiled, laughed, and cried, feeling sad, happy, and nourished and not wanting any of it or Thay to come to an end. And in my heart of hearts and in my practice I know that it all will continue - just like Thay. He is in our breathing, walking, sitting and smiling, and when I can solidly come back to my practice and come home to the here and now, I can find peace.
At times I think my practice is not strong enough, and I feel lost and not really sure where I am, and this peace slips away. I come to sangha feeling nourished, I sit and chant and meditate in the morning feeling supported, and yet I can slip back in to my day and get easily distracted and worried about what I have to do and what I should have done, and then sometimes feeling lost by not doing anything. And then I wonder where I am.
During the past few weeks I heard a beautiful poem of Thay's during the ceremonies that encouraged me to listen and look deeper. I listened to the recording of Thay reading the poem called "A Teacher looking for His Disciple" in Vietnamese while a monastic read it in English (see the full poem below) - where the disciple is wandering having left the hermitage and his home, and is caught up in distant lands and in the future, sometimes in a dark place alienated from his true home. I sometimes feel like I am this Disciple, wandering - not able to find my true home. I don't really know where I should be or what I should be doing. My kids are not at home, I'm not needed the way I was needed when they were young, and I am wandering. Thay writes to the disciple, "I have manifested myself as a long ladder and lightly thrown myself down so that you can climb up to the area where there is light to discover again the blue of the sky and the sounds of the brook and the birds." He goes on to write "the ancient mountain is still there in this place of the present moment. Although the white-crested wave still wants to go in the other direction, look again, you will see me in you and in every leaf and flower bud. If you call my name, you will see me right away. The old frangipani tree offers its fragrant flowers this morning, you and I have never really been apart. Spring has come, the pines have put out new shining green needles and on the edge of the forest , the wild Plum frees have burst into flower."
Reading this poem I am reminded I can climb up that ladder and find the light and remember I have a purpose and a home and I know that there is love and support always there for me in the present moment. I just need to look. I have arrived and I am home.
The photograph I shared above is walking meditation between the plum trees in Plum Village. Truly beautiful.
Also I would like to share a poem I wrote below as I was contemplating my sharing tonight and as I was thinking about and inspired by Thay and his beautiful poem below. I was also inspired by Magda's sharing last week as she found herself in others along a beautiful path.
I invite you to consider the following for our time together on Monday night:
-How have Thay's teachings or writings inspired me?
-How has Thay touched me or transformed me?
-How or where do you see Thay in others?
-In what ways are you able to nourish yourself and come home?
I look forward to sharing with you on Monday night.
with love and a deep bow,
Camille
Thay's full poem - A Teacher Looking for His Disciple:
My poem:
Where am I?
Am I here right now?
Am I in my body?
Am I in my mind?
Where am I?
Sometimes I find myself lost in my thoughts.
I'm in the trees,
I'm in the soil,
I'm in the food I cook.
Where am it?
Sometimes I'm caught in the future and what is going to happen next.
I'm in my home,
I'm in my books,
I'm in my paints.
Where am I?
Sometimes I'm caught between peace and silence and anger and resentment.
I'm in my family,
I'm in my friends,
I'm in strangers.
Where am I?
Wherever I am - I know you are here for me and I am here for you. I am everywhere I am home.