Monday, Nov 28, we will meet online.
Need Zoom tech support? Email Phyllis here.
(support available before sangha starts)
This Monday Nov 28, Marie will facilitate.
Dear Thay, dear friends,
This week, we will recite the Five Mindfulness Trainings, concentrate on the Second Training, True Happiness and explore the question: How is this moment wonderful?
In The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching, our dear teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us that "..the seed of suffering in you may be strong, but don't wait until you have no more suffering before allowing yourself to be happy."
With all that is going on in and on this earth, sometimes it is difficult for me to touch happiness. And when someone I love is in pain, I suffer more. I understand the concept of “no mud, no lotus”, yet it can be challenging for me to hold both at the same time.
Until last week, when my elderly mother got lost at the airport.
In a nutshell, my Mum was flying solo to DC, and my brother arranged for her to have a wheelchair escort who would collect her from the plane and take her through the terminal to my car at arrivals. I rang her shortly after her flight landed, and the call went straight to voicemail. I sat in my car waiting for her, and she didn’t come. Then I rang my brother, who told me she had a 10% charge on her phone when he’d put her on the plane, but I shouldn’t worry because she had a charger in her handbag.
My stomach dropped, and I felt panicked. How would I find her without parking my car? But, if I moved my car and she came out, she wouldn’t find me. I was stuck. There was extreme worry about the situation (my lost, incapacitated mother on a freezing cold day at a busy airport), and lurking closeby was fury with my brother (who had allowed her to set off without a charged battery or a winter coat).
After an hour, my phone rang and it was my mother, sounding flustered. She handed her phone to a police officer, who explained that he’d found her standing in the middle of the cross walk, with cars zooming past her on both sides. He’d pulled over, stopped the traffic, walked her inside to get warm, charged her phone and encouraged her to ring me. He then wheeled her to my car and then, when she said she needed the lavatory, allowed me to leave it there and brought us back into the terminal and led us to the loo. He waited and then brought us back outside and gently helped her into the car. This gentleman was just that: patient, kind and gentle. After she was settled in the car, he explained that, when he saw her, he thought of his own mother.
He was, and is, a gift. We thanked him deeply (and took his details so we could write a letter of thanks) and then, as we drove home, we discussed how we felt.
My feelings of relief and gratitude were strong. Almost like they buoyed me and grounded me at the same time. While the anger with my brother was still there, I could feel compassion for it (rather than compulsively acting on it - a long tradition in my family!) Somehow, the wholesome feelings helped create space for a pause. I had texted my brother to tell him she was safe. That was all.
In the coming days, I felt more compassion for him and the anger melted. It hadn’t occurred to him that she would not stay with the wheelchair attendant (she didn’t want to impose on the person) or that she would not know to charge her phone. He’d been distraught to learn that she was lost in the airport and greatly relieved when she was found.
The Second Training says: I am aware that happiness depends on my mental attitude and not on external conditions. While this is easier said than done, last week’s experience has opened my mind and heart to new possibilities.
Since then, I’ve been experimenting with touching joy or contentment when I notice difficult emotions. Can I create space for both? Today, I practiced this whilst having an unexpected root canal. I was terrified of the pain, and throughout the procedure, I felt gratitude for my breath, for the song in my head (“breathing in and breathing out”) and for having a competent dentist. I also felt compassion for the frightened part of me. To my surprise, I found myself smiling (well - not quite - but the feeling was there!)
On Monday, we’ll recite the Five Mindfulness Trainings and explore the second: True Happiness. Here are some questions you may wish to consider:
To what extent do you wait for your suffering to be gone before allowing yourself to be happy?
What is your experience with holding joy and suffering at the same time?
What has helped/hindered your ability to hold both?
What happens when you remember and feel that your “happiness depends on my mental attitude and not on external conditions”?
I look forward to being together.
With love and a bow,
Marie
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True Happiness
Aware of the suffering caused by exploitation, social injustice, stealing, and oppression, I am committed to practicing generosity in my thinking, speaking, and acting. I am determined not to steal and not to possess anything that should belong to others; and I will share my time, energy, and material resources with those who are in need. I will practice looking deeply to see that the happiness and suffering of others are not separate from my own happiness and suffering; that true happiness is not possible without understanding and compassion; and that running after wealth, fame, power and sensual pleasures can bring much suffering and despair. I am aware that happiness depends on my mental attitude and not on external conditions, and that I can live happily in the present moment simply by remembering that I already have more than enough conditions to be happy. I am committed to practicing Right Livelihood so that I can help reduce the suffering of living beings on Earth and stop contributing to climate change.