photo credit: William Monahan
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Camille will facilitate Monday night.
There are many stories about the Buddha inviting Mara to tea, Mara the demon who represented death, destruction, lust, and temptation. But rather than viewing the demon with despair, or as an enemy, the Buddha would offer Mara a comfortable seat to sit and welcome Mara with tea and conversation, friendliness and grace. They would part in peace.
Imagine what it would be like to invite your enemies to tea, or welcome those people that are challenging in your life to share in a conversation. Could it be fear or anger that might prevent us from welcoming them openly? And if so could these feelings cause more suffering and be the cause of more unhappiness?
I have been struggling with frustration, anger, and confusion lately with some of my brothers who disagree with my sisters and I about how to keep our parents safe and support one another during these challenging times. Their conversations often turn political and somewhat defensive around their choices about vaccinations and masks etc. In a recent message I sent to all my siblings, I asked if everyone could let us know who in their families were vaccinated so that we can make educated decisions about how and if we visit our parents to protect them and each of us. I was asking them in a way so as not to judge or criticize anyone or to say who was right or wrong - but merely to have the information. I thought this was non-judgemental and I sent with a deep desire to work through our differences together with more understanding and communication, and yet it was met with accusations and blame from my brothers. I was deeply hurt. I thought for sure I was going to promote reconciliation between us and encourage a loving peaceful conversation. I couldn't have been more wrong.
My first reaction was to cry, then to write back to them in anger rejecting everything they said, feeling defensive and accusatory, and then to just shut up and not talk to them again. These can often be my usual reactions - fight, flight, or freeze, which are far from our practice of mindfulness. I am realizing my words or actions or even perceptions have caused them harm in some way. My intention was good, however, the impact was not. What I want for my family is for us to take time to really listen to one another in order to understand one another, for us to let go of our afflictions and whatever obstacles are getting in our way, and to find that peace and friendliness that we shared for so many years with one another and within ourselves. I am so grateful for my family and yet know it will be difficult and a long road for us to reconcile with our differences, and find more compassion with one another, however, in my practice I am happily reminded that I can find "happiness in the present moment" as our teacher Thay would say. The practice of coming back to my breath and my body in the here and now is always available to me. And then perhaps I can invite them in for tea with warmth, generosity, and compassion.
While I find that I don't have all the answers to dissolve all the suffering in my own family or in the world - I often go back to the Five Mindfulness Trainings, the five precepts offered by the Buddha and translated in modern times by Thich Nhat Hanh, to practice compassion and understanding in my daily life. As I work through finding the right path to practice mindfulness with my siblings, the Fourth Mindfulness Training "Loving Speech and Deep Listening" speaks to me most vividly:
"Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivating loving speech and compassionate listening in order to relieve suffering and to promote reconciliation and peace in myself and among other people, ethnic and religious groups, and nations. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to speaking truthfully using words that inspire confidence, joy, and hope. When anger is manifesting in me, I am determined not to speak. I will practice mindful breathing and walking in order to recognize and to look deeply into my anger. I know that the roots of anger can be found in my wrong perceptions and lack of understanding of the suffering in myself and in the other person. I will speak and listen in a way that can help myself and the other person to transform suffering and see the way out of difficult situations. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to utter words that can cause division or discord. I will practice Right Diligence to nourish my capacity for understanding, love, joy, and inclusiveness, and gradually transform anger, violence, and fear that lie deep in my consciousness."
Thay says "without real communication, happiness can't exist. To be surrounded by family, friends, and a spiritual community that know how to use loving speech and deep listening is a great daily blessing." He shares that practicing the precepts can bring us great happiness. And also practicing with this sangha community brings me great happiness and the encouragement to invite those that I struggle with to tea.
I invite you to explore the obstacles or afflictions in yourself, or challenging people in your life, that bring you the most suffering, and how might you find a path to more freedom, peace, and happiness. How might your practice help in this path? How might we invite our enemies in with warmth, generosity and compassion?
I look forward to seeing you on Monday night.
With love,
Camille
PS:
I would like to share the Rumi poem below that I like and find very helpful. It reminds me that the challenges I face can offer me the opportunity to practice more and be grateful for whatever comes. I hope you enjoy:
The Guest House
by Rumi
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.