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Marie will facilitate Monday, November 22.
Marie shares:
Dear Thay, dear friends,
On Monday, we’ll explore the Fifth Mindfulness Training, Nourishment and Healing as it relates to difficult moments and comfort eating.
One of the many things I love about the Five Mindfulness Trainings is that they’re aspirational. When I read them, I feel the love, encouragement and non judgement with which they were written. There’s also an element of strength, or perhaps belief, inviting us to step into the practice in ways that will support us and the larger world.
All of this is true, AND, when times get really tough, I often want to soothe myself by eating something comforting, mindlessly - ideally with my attention focused elsewhere. Something in me judges me for being unmindful, contributing to suffering. Am I?
The last few weeks have been emotionally tumultuous. My aging mother, who lives alone and is feistily independent, has been unwell and is losing her short term memory. She wants to stay in her house and, at the same time, she feels weak, sad, scared and a whole array of other emotions that I can’t even imagine.
Meanwhile, her three children are trying to support her, each in their own way. And those ways have been parting, over the years, such that there’s now a yawning chasm between the one who lives close by, and thinks the status quo can work, and the two who live far away and think some changes are urgently needed. When talking with her, she agrees with elements from both views. As her children, we’re waiting for her to decide and direct us, and it seems that she’s not capable of doing that. But we can’t agree on that, and so the status quo persists.
Last night, my brother took her to the ER and she was admitted to hospital. It stopped me in my tracks.
I could feel a part of me, wanting to race away, to keep doing what I was doing and to block out the emotions that rose up. It was fascinating to watch the efforts that parts of me made to distract me: why not listen to some music? Don’t you need to finish this up? I did some walking meditation, which allowed the tears to come, and then sought refuge in the arms of my partner. The crying was deep and felt animalistic - almost like a howling of remorse for all the things I wanted for my mother. All the things I wanted to do but couldn’t: make her well, bring her to our home, make her cups of tea, stroke her forehead and climb in bed and cuddle her. The woman who has spent a lifetime caring for others was not, in my view, being cared for as she deserved. Oh how that hurt - and still does. The tears are falling as I type this.
Turning towards this has helped - and continues to.
And, what surprised me after all this practice and deep processing, I still wanted to comfort eat. I wanted those foods that something in me believes will “nourish me and bring healing.” For me, those go back to my anglo-roots: custard, rhubarb and jam tarts or to more-ish, gnoshing foods, like crunchy buttered popcorn.
Sometimes, I can say “hello old friend” Sometimes, the urge subsides. Other times, I invite my “old friend” straight through the door to the table, or couch, and gnosh away.
How interesting!
On Monday night, we’ll recite the Five Mindfulness Trainings and then look deeply into the Fifth, which is written below. I invite you to reflect on your experiences during difficult times, specifically:
During difficult and stressful times, to what extent do you nourish or heal yourself?
What do you do? What works/doesn’t work?
What is your experience with comfort eating?
Anything else you might like to share
I hope you will join us.
With love and a bow,
Marie
Nourishment and Healing
Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful consumption, I am committed to cultivating good health, both physical and mental, for myself, my family, and my society by practicing mindful eating, drinking, and consuming. I will practice looking deeply into how I consume the Four Kinds of Nutriments, namely edible foods, sense impressions, volition, and consciousness. I am determined not to gamble, or to use alcohol, drugs, or any other products which contain toxins, such as certain websites, electronic games, TV programs, films, magazines, books, and conversations. I will practice coming back to the present moment to be in touch with the refreshing, healing and nourishing elements in me and around me, not letting regrets and sorrow drag me back into the past nor letting anxieties, fear, or craving pull me out of the present moment. I am determined not to try to cover up loneliness, anxiety, or other suffering by losing myself in consumption. I will contemplate interbeing and consume in a way that preserves peace, joy, and well-being in my body and consciousness, and in the collective body and consciousness of my family, my society and the Earth.