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This week Annie will facilitate. She will start a three-part series on the Three Marks of Existence.
The Three Marks of Existence (sometimes called the Three Dharma Seals) are the basic characteristics of our world. Understanding them helps us see the truth about life and transform suffering.
The three marks are:
(1) annica — impermanence
(2) anatta — non-self
(3) nirvana — the joy of letting go of concepts.*
*Thich Nhat Hanh teaches nirvana as this third mark, though other teachers often refer to the third mark as dukkha, or suffering. Because nirvana and suffering are two sides of the same coin, “No mud, no lotus”, we can see that nirvana is as much of a mark of existence as suffering.
This week we will focus on and practice the first mark: impermanence. I’ll share about the other two marks the next two times I lead sangha.
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Impermanence - week 1
The Niagara River
Kay Ryan
As though
the river were
a floor, we position
our table and chairs
upon it, eat, and
have conversation.
As it moves along,
we notice—as
calmly as though
dining room paintings
were being replaced—
the changing scenes
along the shore. We
do know, we do
know this is the
Niagara River, but
it is hard to remember
what that means.
We, like the people in the poem who are floating down the Niagara river (heading for the falls) believe that everything is relatively stable. We can't help but notice that things change, but we choose to believe that these changes don't amount to much (like we are in our living room changing paintings). It's our very understandable human tendency to put aside the truth that our boat is heading for the falls and instead cling to the familiar. However, the Buddha's teachings remind us that this habit is one of the sources of our suffering.
I used to secretly believe that I could keep from experiencing old age, sickness, and death by eating well (well being the latest "healthy" diet: vegetarian, keto, whole organic foods), meditating daily, and exercising regularly. Even though I have discovered that this isn't the case, part of me sometimes still wants to believe that I have some control over the boat. Yes, everything is impermanent, but can I maybe control the pace of change?
It is our human condition -- just like in the poem -- to want to forget that we are living in a constantly changing world, one that will, eventually, end. In the film, "Don't Look Up", we observe an entire world's shared delusion that everything will be OK when faced with a comet hitting the earth in six months time. None of us really wants to know.
We have all kinds of strategies to avoid facing impermanence - from filling every moment of our time with busyness to believing in false promises of products and practices that will keep us looking the same (aka young) forever. Capitalism relies on our willingness to believe in this delusion.
In his first teaching after enlightenment, the Dhammacakkappavattana Sutta (Setting the Wheel in Motion sutra), the Buddha taught that whatever is subject to origination is all subject to cessation.
Our forgetfulness of this truth causes us to cling to false beliefs and then suffer each and every time we encounter impermanence. Our clinging and delusion prevents us from being a loving presence for ourselves and others, too.
Luckily for us, our teachers offer us ways to transform our understanding of impermanence from something to be feared into something to be celebrated.
“The practice and understanding of impermanence is not just another description of reality. It is a tool that helps us in our transformation, healing and emancipation.”
-- Thich Nhat Hanh
How do we practice? We experience directly and personally how everything arises and passes away.
For example, when in meditation, we can observe how each breath comes and goes. Or, we may observe how sounds, smells, tastes and bodily sensations arise and pass away. We can witness impermanence in our own body when we pay attention to how our body changes day by day, month by month, and year by year.
When we practice like this every day, we start to notice that impermanence has a gift hidden inside of it. Impermanence makes everything more precious:
“Ah the knowledge of impermanence that haunts our days is their very fragrance.” – Rilke
Don’t we all try to hold onto things as they are? We want our body to always be strong and youthful, our friends to always be by our sides, our lives to be just as they are now?
Most of us really disliked how COVID rushed in to disrupt our lives in 2020. And yet now that things are opening up, we may feel fear and aversion to this new change! Change can be uncomfortable, especially when we don't practice accepting the truth of impermanence. That's why the Buddha offered impermanence as one of the marks of existence to always be aware of.
I was given the opportunity to practice impermanence and to let go of the image of myself as completely healthy and strong when I was diagnosed with cancer in 2020. Being human, once I recovered, my belief in a permanent self crept back in until I was given another chance to practice.
When I arrived in the emergency room in November, I was in a lot of pain. I had the thought that if I could just get this situation under control, I would get back to my "normal" life. Nothing had really changed.
Somewhere during the second day of unrelenting pain, I had the realization, "Oh, this is old age sickness and death right here. I am not in control of what is happening at all." Accepting what was actually happening in that moment was the first step in my ability to relax with it and come back into the present moment. Thanks to my teachers and this practice, instead of projecting myself into the moment when things would be "back to normal," I came to allow myself to flow more easily with the river (always heading toward the big falls) and experience what was happening in that moment.
By naming it as old age and sickness I reminded myself that this is happening to every single one of us. We are in this together and each moment is precious because of its fleeting nature.
As a result, I was able to connect with others and generate loving kindness for myself and all of us who have faced, are facing, and will face the hard reality of impermanence and illness.
One of my favorite practices of impermanence is Hugging Meditation. In this practice, we take three breaths while hugging our beloved. During the first breath, we feel ourselves there. During the second breath we feel our beloved there. And during the third breath, we remind ourselves that we don't know how long we will have this beloved one with us, this may even be the last time we hug them.
Without impermanence we couldn’t learn, grow, develop more understanding and more kindness, our kids couldn’t grow up, and seeds could not become food or flowers. In fact, nothing could really "happen." Thich Nhat Hanh says we should learn to celebrate impermanence by saying, “Long Live Impermanence”
Rather than being a cause of suffering, when we embrace impermanence it can open up space in our minds and generate more ease, flow, joy, and happiness for ourselves and others. We can free fall without fear knowing that no matter what we do, we can't change the fact that the end is coming. We can only live fully in this moment, enjoying the changing scenery along the shore.
The Buddhist nun Pema Chodron said it this way, “When we resist change, it's called suffering. But when we can completely let go and not struggle against it, when we can embrace the groundlessness of our situation and relax into its dynamic quality, that's called enlightenment.”
Knowing the truth of impermanence also reminds us that every difficult thing will come to an end. As my mom would say, “This too shall pass.”
Once I had accepted my situation at the hospital, I could make real connections with the nurses and doctors, which was joyful for me and hopefully for them. I knew my suffering would not last forever and that I had to let go of trying to control the situation. Had I stayed stuck in my resistance, I would have continued to flounder in my suffering which would have made me, and everyone around me, miserable.
As we practice and develop our capacity to flow with impermanence, we experience more with less resistance. As Rilke beautifully describes it: “Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final.”
Some questions for reflection:
How am I coping with impermanence in my life right now?
How do I feel with COVID-19 restrictions being lifted?
Where have I been able to let go and flow with challenging moments without resistance?
What are some of the ways that I avoid looking at the truth of impermanence? How have I practiced with it?