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This Monday, Annie will facilitate and you can join us online or in person.
"After all, human beings are the same — made of human flesh, bones, and blood. We all want happiness and want to avoid suffering. Further, we all have an equal right to be happy. In other words, it is important to realize our sameness as human beings.” — The Dalai Lama, A Policy of Kindness.
I grew up in Macomb County, Michigan, home to several large auto factories organized by powerful unions like the UAW (United Auto Workers) and the MEA (Michigan Education Association) which my parents were active in.
These unions (and many others) brought together diverse groups of people with common goals working together to get the best outcome for everyone — living wages, health care, overtime, etc. They kept individuals focused on what they shared with each other rather than encouraging people to demonize or judge.
Union style solidarity is what we need right now to pull us out of our downward spiral of polarization.
The UAW’s mission states that the “UAW has been a leader in the struggle to secure economic and social justice for all people.” The Service Employees International Union (SEIU) first president, William Quesse, son of German immigrants said in 1921, “We are composed of all creeds, colors, and nationalities, and do not allow anyone to use prejudice in the organization against each other.”
Increasing polarization over the last couple decades has made it harder for us to find common ground with others because we believe we are right and others are wrong. We get into the habit of passing harsh judgment on anyone who doesn’t think like us, whether Republicans, Democrats, pro- or anti-Trump, Liberals, Conservatives, Anti-vaxxers, Vaccine-hesitant people, Vaccine-pushers, etc.
What would happen if we choose to find common ground instead?
We have learned from our teacher, Thich Nhat Hanh, that we inter-are with each other -- none of us can be free until all of us are free. In his book, Joyfully Together, he says:
“If we are truly motivated to create peace in the world, if we deeply want a peaceful solution, then we should abandon our habit of supporting one side over the other. Please practice deep listening with equanimity and without prejudice. We have the tendency to think that only we suffer, but when we sit and listen deeply to the other side, we may find out that they too suffer.”
How can we practice to abandon our habit of supporting one side over the other? Thay suggests that we listen deeply to others without judgment so we can see how the "other side" also suffers.
Some of the ways I am choosing to practice include taking breaks from all media now and then. We know that the way media works (both TV and online algorithms) is to provide only the most extreme information in order to hold our attention to the show, post, or article. (Check out this podcast for more on this.)
Remember that our perceptions are just perceptions. We can ask ourselves the question, "Are you sure?" before we assume we know why someone behaves the way they do. This podcast about the stories we make up about others shocked and educated me. The author of a study of perceptions revealed just how wrong our views of the “other side” really are.
We make assumptions about the extreme views of others which rarely, if ever, line up with reality. For example, when asked to guess what percentage of Republicans thought that racism still exists in America, Democrats guessed only 50%, but the real answer was closer to 80%.
Most people are much more like us than we imagine. The more we hold false assumptions of other groups, the more we feel separate and divided. As Felix Unger once said on The Odd Couple in 1973, “Never ASSUME, because when you ASSUME, you make an ASS of U and ME.”
I try to remember that people are just looking for happiness and avoiding suffering. We all are. To do this, we may have to listen deeply, as Thay advises. Marshall Rosenburg, the creator of Nonviolent Communication, suggests that we use empathy before education. Meaning listen to the other person’s point of view before sharing your own. If you try to teach someone your views on the vaccine or why they should vote for your candidate before you listen to them, you’re less likely to have an impact. Once they have been heard, ask if they would be willing to hear from you at this time, or schedule another time to share your feelings and beliefs.
This Labor Day we will meditate together and celebrate the example of the unions who put aside differences to get the best outcome for the whole. We will share with each other how we might heal our divisions and build the unity and power we need to reach our common goals for happiness, justice, equity, and well-being for all.
I look forward to seeing you then!