Monday, June 26, we will meet online.
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(support available before sangha starts)
Dear Friends,
This Monday evening we will meet online from 7-8:30 PM and Annie will facilitate. We will recite the Five Mindfulness Trainings, and have a discussion about the Fourth Training: Loving Speech and Deep Listening (full text below). We will return to our summer reading, Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet, next week.
We recite the mindfulness trainings to remind ourselves of how we want to live our lives and of our deep desire to be a healing presence in this world - to be a Bodhisattva.
In Zen and the Art of Saving the Planet, Thich Nhật Hanh (Thay) writes:
“Bodhisattvas are living beings with the qualities of understanding, compassion, action, reverence, and so on— and you also have these qualities. You don’t need anyone else to confirm this; you know it for yourself. The training is to keep these qualities alive in you.”
We will focus our discussion on this part of the fourth training:
Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to speaking truthfully using words that inspire confidence, joy, and hope. When anger is manifesting in me, I am determined not to speak. I will practice mindful breathing and walking in order to recognize and to look deeply into my anger. I know that the roots of anger can be found in my wrong perceptions and lack of understanding of the suffering in myself and in the other person.
In my growing up house, I did not learn how to take care of my own anger. Generally, when we were angry, we found a target for our anger and lashed out with sarcasm and judgment.
I have found this line, in particular, to be very challenging: I know that the roots of my anger can be found in my wrong perceptions and lack of understanding of the suffering in myself and in the other person.
In the fourteen mindfulness trainings, there is a similar line about anger: By contemplating impermanence, we will be able to look with the eyes of compassion at ourselves and at those we think are the cause of our anger, and to recognize the preciousness of our relationships.
When I am angry, I usually believe that the other person IS the cause of my anger. It can be difficult, when I’m in the throes of anger, to consider that my perceptions may be incorrect, or that my relationship with the other person is something very precious.
So the first step to be able to practice loving speech and deep listening is to calm myself by coming back to my breath and my body. This way I have a chance to find compassion for myself and the object of my anger and to recognize my wrong perceptions. To do this, it may mean that I have to separate myself for a time, go for a mindful walk, or talk to a friend.
On Sunday morning, my husband and I were at the farmers market and were planning to meet at a certain place but at an undetermined time. When he was not there and didn’t answer my texts, a very old and well-rehearsed script played out in my head: he doesn’t care enough about me to pay attention to the time. I.e., it’s his fault and I must tell him so.
I recognized the old stories and was able to be with them even though at the same time they were very alive in me. And even though I was not able to fully transform the stories before I saw my husband, I was better able to recognize my perceptions, own them, and speak mindfully enough to prevent a full scale war.
I was able to use one of Thay’s true love mantras: I am suffering and I am doing my best to practice but I need your help.
It was executed imperfectly and did not completely prevent our suffering, but because I was aware of what I was feeling in the moment and I remembered not to trust my perceptions when angry, I interrupted the habit of blaming and spoke with calm, caring words that inspired hope. And that was good enough and it allowed us to reconcile very quickly. It helps if we remember that we are human and we are doing our best.
On Monday, after our meditation period we will read the trainings together and we will have time to share whatever is on our hearts this week.
with love,
annie.
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Loving Speech and Deep Listening
Aware of the suffering caused by unmindful speech and the inability to listen to others, I am committed to cultivating loving speech and compassionate listening in order to relieve suffering and to promote reconciliation and peace in myself and among other people, ethnic and religious groups, and nations. Knowing that words can create happiness or suffering, I am committed to speaking truthfully using words that inspire confidence, joy, and hope. When anger is manifesting in me, I am determined not to speak. I will practice mindful breathing and walking in order to recognize and to look deeply into my anger. I know that the roots of anger can be found in my wrong perceptions and lack of understanding of the suffering in myself and in the other person. I will speak and listen in a way that can help myself and the other person to transform suffering and see the way out of difficult situations. I am determined not to spread news that I do not know to be certain and not to utter words that can cause division or discord. I will practice Right Diligence to nourish my capacity for understanding, love, joy, and inclusiveness, and gradually transform anger, violence, and fear that lie deep in my consciousness.