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Susie will facilitate Monday night, July 18.
Susie shares:
I was the semi-finalist in my third-grade Spelling Bee. Standing on the raised wooden stage, I was given a word I couldn’t spell — “enough.” I looked into the audience and saw the disappoinment in my father’s eyes. As I recall, our class lesson hadn’t yet introduced the f sound made by gh. I knew ph made the f sound, otherwise I might have gone with E-N-U-F. When I think about that day, I still cringe.
In May, when Taylor Swift addressed NYU’s ’22 graduating class, she spoke about cringeworthy moments. Swift said, “Learn to live alongside cringe. No matter how hard you try to avoid being cringe, you will look back on your life and cringe retrospectively.”
I can cringe and let go, and know that cringe is part of life. I make mistakes, I am vulnerable, I am not perfect. However, I am exactly who I am meant to be, right here, right now, with all the elements and conditions for happiness. Through our practice, I can begin to embrace the moment, feel like enough, love myself, accept my imperfections as lessons and teachers.
Last night, I watched The Pursuit of Happyness with my son, and cringed through the movie. I witnessed on screen that not all of us have the conditions for happiness. The main character, Chris Gardner, experienced homelessness with his toddler, and then pulled himself out of a dark time in his life. Eventually he made the choices, beat the odds stacked against him, and experienced better conditions. Now he is a motivational speaker.
A few years ago on my never-ending journey of self-discovery, and sitting on the bookstore floor of the self-help section, I found a teacher who proposed to her readers and followers, “You are enough.”
What is enough? Do I know now how to incorporate it into my commitment of self-care, and enoughness?
When I compare myself to others whether I am feeling inferior, on par, or superior, I realize it pulls me off my path of being, just being. I am learning to stop comparing and just noticing each of us is different. Is there some primal drive to compare who will survive the jungle?
Part of my feeling of not enoughness comes out in my choice of words.
“I’m going to take a quick shower” — like I don’t deserve a normal or long shower. If I love myself and feel like enough, I take a shower, enjoy the smell of the soap, feel gratitude for the water raining down with just the right pressure on my skin. Appreciate the body I am in.
“I’ll just finish this page” — when I really want to finish the chapter.
“I’m going to run to the store” — hey where are you going? Slow this train down.
I get so focused on accomplishing and being productive — squeezing it all in. When you have multiple roles, it’s challenging to not be busy and overwhelmed. Feeling enough helps me let go of needing to be more, do more, want more. This is it. Here I am.
That Spelling Bee may have been an omen — I didn’t feel like enough. The practice of taking mindful steps, sitting and breathing mindfully brings me back to the self, the enoughness of now. I know I am enough.
———
From his book, THE ART OF LIVING by Thich Nhat Hanh
YOU ARE ENOUGH
The renowned ninth-century Chinese Zen master Lin-Chi taught that "humans and buddhas are not two," and declared, "There is no difference between you and the Buddha!" He was saying that you are already enough. We don't need to do anything special to be a buddha and cultivate our buddha body. We just need to live a simple, authentic life. Our true person, our true self, doesn't need a particular job or position. Our true self doesn't need money, fame, or status. Our true self doesn't need to do anything. We just live our life deeply in the present moment. When we eat, we just eat. When we wash the dishes, we just wash the dishes. When we use the bathroom, we just enjoy using the bathroom. When we walk, we just walk. When we sit, we just sit. Doing all these things is a wonder, and the art of living is to do them in freedom.
The Buddha also ate, walked, and went to the toilet. But he did so in freedom, not rushing from one thing to the next. Can we live like that? Can we use our time just to live true to ourselves? If we are still seeking or pursuing something else, something more, we're not yet aimless. We're not yet free, and we're not yet our true self. Our true self is already there within us, and as soon as we can see it, we become a free person. We have been free from beginningless time. We just need to be able to recognize it.
Some questions to ponder if you wish:
What does enough feel like?
When do you feel full enough and not want?
When do you feel the need to compare?