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Dear friends, Camille will lead our sangha on Monday September 12. She shares:
This summer I spent a good amount of time in the North with family and friends enjoying mostly cool and sunny days. For about a week of that time I had a mild case of covid where I quarantined and took time to slow down, and mostly napped and listened to my body - probably more than I have done in a while. I found meditation - sitting and taking slow mindful walks, to be just what my body needed.
Coming home last week I was quickly and easily pulled away from my physical body caught in worry, sadness, anguish and anger with one of my daughters who was sick. I lost sleep and concentration, and wondered if my actions were loving and kind or controlling. I can often be found trying to fix and make things right for others (sometimes when they don't want it) while not taking care of my self.
My daughter who is staying with us temporarily, was to meet her siblings on an annual trip they always enjoy that she initiated several years ago. A trip they look forward to without my husband and me. Sadly she got sick and could not meet them. After trying to help her with various remedies she retreated to her room not wanting to be disturbed feeling sad, disappointed and sick. I found that I could not relax. I wanted to help her feel better, I wanted to get her on another flight and still meet her siblings, and I wanted her to be happy. I wanted their trip to be just like their previous trips. However, in trying to fix things, I was not feeling very happy, I could not focus, couldn't find many peaceful moments, and I couldn't even give myself space to enjoy my garden because I kept thinking about how she felt and what she was missing. I was "drowning in the past", an expression of Thich Nhat Hanh's, and I really lost touch with my body and my own reality as I was trying to fix my daughter's life and reality.
I found a short video of Thich Nhat Hanh's (Thay's) that helped me to remember to come back to the present moment and my own reality as I experienced these feelings this past week. It was very helpful and brought me much grounding. It is called "Touching Reality as it is" (link here if you would like to watch it). I will share some of it at Sangha on Monday night. While my daughter was suffering - I was also suffering - but it didn't mean I couldn't enjoy touching the beauties around me. I was reminded that I could find more peace in the present moment. As Thay says in his book "Being Peace" - "If we are peaceful, if we are happy, we can blossom like a flower, and everyone in our family, our entire society, will benefit from our peace."
Thay reminds us in the video that we can be "caught in the past in a sort of prison" - which was how I felt - I just couldn't really be myself and live my life for the past week. Thay says "Breathing in mindfully might pull us out of the past so that we can be free with our body. When mind and body are together - you can be established in the present moment." I lost that reality for a while.
I look forward to being with you on Monday night where we will watch part of Thay's video. I invite you to consider some of the following questions and if they don't resonate with you please bring your whole selves to join us on Monday with whatever is present for you in your life and in your practice.
-What might take you out of your body and the present moment when you are overwhelmed by emotions such as anger, sadness or anguish?
-What helps you to come back to your body in the present moment?
-How do you touch reality in the present moment?
With much love,
Camille